I hate to talk to people on phones. I try to avoid ever having to call anyone on the phone, unless they are my wife or a friend. Talking to people on the phone is a blind, awkward, time-wasting experience that must be avoided at all costs.
I felt this way even before electronic communications such as email, instant messaging, and texting existed. Now that those technologies do exist, which allow you to contact people at your own leisure, and allow the recipients to respond at their leisure, the telephone has become an even more loathsome, antiquated means of communication. It's like a salesman character from the era of Perry Mason, barging in on your peaceful workday or weekend, demanding your instant attention, practically yelling, with a tinny, blaring voice. All in black and white— and not the good kind of black and white, either.
If you would like to get a hold of me, the best way is email. I might have said instant messaging 9 months ago, but I have since resorted to only logging in every few hours, to increase my productivity. If you do happen to catch me on iChat, chat away. You could even video chat with me. If I am online, then it must mean I'm not too busy. Or I just forgot to log off. The second best way to contact me is to text me.
The absolute worst thing a potential contact could do is to cold call me, ask me for something, and then brazenly suggest that I need to call them back. You might as well threaten my wife and family if you're going to call me when I have no idea who you are, and don't have time to talk. You actually asked me to return your call? Seriously? That is the fastest way to turn me against you and everything you stand for. I will most likely fight night and day to destroy your existence and all the enterprises in which you are involved. I know a cop, and you might just find yourself slammed up against the hood of his cop car if you try something as foolish as calling me, unprovoked and out of the blue, and saying, "Do you know any students who are interested in designing a website for free? Because it would be a good portfolio piece. Call me back as soon as you can." I can think of friends I have had killed for something FAR less offensive.
In summary, I hate telephones, I don't have any time, and no, I don't know any students that want to design a website for your startup business.
* this post may or may not contain high levels of exaggeration and/sarcasm. And if it does, I will never say how much.
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12 comments:
Hey Scoobyatwork, turkeypants, web wizard, or whatever... I emailed you LAST MONTH trying to get in contact with your wife, my old buddy, former teammate and roadtrip pal Jill. Please hook me up! You blatantly ignored my email...and I'll be sure not to call to get it :). Okay bye, Amber
And how!
so when is the best time to reach you via telephone? i am a little confused.......
Remember...talking with friends is OK. Complete strangers calling me and suggesting that their startup scrapbook paper company website is a great project for all my classes (in order to exploit cheap labor), and then demanding I call them back at this number... is very much not OK.
Hiya Turkeypants!
Just wanted to thank you for comming to art seminar at BYU-Idaho.
I was both intimidated and inspired--which is a good place to be.
what if i want to start a modest clothing company?
Wow! So in the same boat! It must be a family thing! I think I need to copy and post this on my blog so my friends don't think I am the only telephone hater out there!
Hey. I didn't know you had a blog. Now that I do I will check regularly! I found you on my site meter and I was wondering who the heck Turkeypants was. So, I need to catch up on your lives. Give me a call. Ha ha ha. Oh, and you would be proud of Brevyn. He sang the Cougar Fight song all through Sacrament Meeting yesterday. We couldn't get him to be quiet for the life of us! I think Troy pretended to be embarrassed, but he was really one proud dad.
Couldn't agree more. My beef with phones: When people call, and you don't have their number in your phone...so you screen them. And then they don't leave a message! Like I'm gonna return THAT call. "Hey...you.."
PS: Why does Libby's link get an exclamation point? I don't see her leaving comments... I'm just sayin.
Actually, I couldn't think of her last name when I was writing it, so I put an exclamation point. Then I remembered it was Egan. We did ride in the same van all the way to AIGA in Denver last year, though, so... practically related.
It’s so random that I found your blog, so I decided I needed to say "Hi" from your old friend! I was “blog hopping” today (I just found out that that’s a thing—and I just converted from an anti-blogger to a full blogger) and I saw your name on someone’s blog--The Jacksons. (I don't know them either). So I'm spying on your life--you're back at BYU. Completely respectable!
Glad to see you haven't changed, like at all.
I also need to mention that I have a picture of you wearing floral spandex from about 15 years ago. I will send it to your children one day now that I know where you are.
Later!
Gillian Ashton
I've never had success iChatting you so I guess if I ever need to contact you I will resort to email. Amen to that post. And for me cell phone = walkie-talkie, mostly.
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